on the wrong side of sunrise

Tag: love

Dissonance, Part III: order in disorder

[part i]
[part ii]

Lately I have had Kurt Vonnegut’s Mother Night on the brain. I’ve talked about Festinger and Carlsmith’s tedium, Milgram’s volts … but not much about the book itself. So let’s move on to Das Reich der Zwei: the nation of two.

Some background, and my apologies if I mess up any details—I’m away from home at the moment, without my copy of the book, but I wanted to write this now:

Howard W. Campbell Jr. is born in the United States but spends most of his early life in Germany. He marries a German woman, Helga Noth, daughter of a police chief. He is a playwright; she, the lead actress in many productions. Together, they make up what he calls das Reich der Zwei. Together, they occupy a space uniquely theirs, sovereign and autonomous and separate from the rest of the world. Together, even as Germany descends into war and Howard becomes involved in the transmission of coded messages to US forces, they exist in a solitary, untouchable peace.

Observe a special sort of couple for any amount of time, and das Reich der Zwei becomes apparent. Between them, a culture will have developed. In a chaotic, dissonant world, they will have their own resonance. Their own lexicon and idioms and speech patterns, their own legends and mythologies, their own traditions and celebrations and solemn observances of tragedy. Try to make a home in their Reich der Zwei, and you will never move beyond resident alien status, will never be able to fully assimilate.

Such is the nature of the nation of two.

Helga meets an untimely end. Das Reich der Zwei crumbles. Howard is left at the mercy of other nations—Germany, the United States, Israel—snapping like hungry wolves for meat fresh from his bones.

Trying to emigrate from the nation of two, though, is as successful as trying to immigrate to it. That culture becomes part of you, and although you may adopt different customs, come to appreciate foreign cuisine and find the new language coming more and more easily, your heart will always belong to your nation of two.

Somehow, knowing that ein Reich like yours could exist makes it all the more difficult to survive in the bigger, noisier, messier world.

This is why, before the novel’s outset, Vonnegut says, “And yet another moral occurs to me now: Make love when you can. It’s good for you.”

Relationship Status: writing on Sternberg’s triangle

In the fall I took a psychology of human sexuality course with Dr. Pamela Landau. Thus far, it’s the best class I’ve had here, and I came out with a very different perspective on people, relationships, and myself—and an inability to see the Simplex-brand exercise equipment in my neighborhood fitness center without thinking of herpes. Part way through the term, we discussed Robert Sternberg’s triarchic theory of love. It’s based on a triangle:

Each point represents an aspect of love—intimacy, passion, and commitment—as well as the form of love associated with only that aspect; each leg represents a combination of the forms at its ends, and in the center is the blend of all three.

I say I’m between projects right now, but that’s not quite right. I’m between projects with which I’m in consummate love. Here’s a sampling of what I do have:

1. A fully-drafted novel. I completed the first draft in December of 2010 and got about two-thirds of the way through a first heavy revision before becoming distracted by life (a poor excuse, I know). I would say this project and I have a romantic relationship: I feel close to it, and I care about it … but I haven’t committed, and I don’t know if I can.

2. A partially-drafted novel. I started this one more recently and got maybe a third of the way through. It’s hard to say, though, because I never developed a good sense of the thing as a whole—which I suspect is why I drifted away from it. This I think would fall under infatuation, because it’s a project I was excited about and, if I returned to it, could see myself being excited about again. But I don’t have that level of intimacy yet, and I haven’t even committed a full draft to (digital) paper.

3. A partial short story. I don’t know where it’s going, and although I started strong, now every time I open the document, I plod along through a few half-hearted paragraphs before becoming bored. Still, it’s what I’ve been working on, so I keep working on it. This is clearly empty love—lacking intimacy and passion, at this point little more than a way to be writing something.

4. A concept for a story about an android with an autocorrect function. This seems to me like fatuous love, because I’ve held onto the idea for a while and I find it enjoyable … but I haven’t gone any deeper than that conceptual surface level.

5. A draft of a short story. It’s drawn very heavily from my own life, so there’s a great deal of intimacy, but I think all there is to our writer-writing relationship is liking. I look at it and consider revising it but feel no particular drive to, and I don’t picture myself going anywhere with it.

In life, a relationship drifts around in the triangle as the dynamic changes. The writer Edith Wharton speaks to the writer-writing relationship drift when she says, “What is writing a novel like? 1. The beginning: A ride through a spring wood. 2. The middle: The Gobi Desert. 3. The end: A night with a lover.” (She goes on to add, “I am now in the Gobi Desert.”) I see the same thing in my own writing, and I worry about being dissuaded by Gobi fatigue.

Perhaps what I need to do right now is to take some time to examine myself as a writer. Writing without having more deliberate intentions seems sort of like wandering into the Gobi Desert, blindfolded and wearing impractical heels. If writing is building a relationship, I ought to treat it with the same care I would any other relationship.

Or, perhaps, even more.

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